I am going to start this post off by saying, I started this blog to have a safe space to share my ideas, finds, recipes, and also share my feelings. I am honestly not sure how many people read this or if anyone even does, but it has been a sort of outlet over the years. Of course throughout the years there have been plenty of posts that have been deleted or hidden and who knows this may end up being one of those at some point. I like to keep it positive and upbeat, but unfortunately life isn’t always rainbows, butterflies, unicorns, and sunny days. So, with that being said, this post is a real, raw, and full of emotions.
5 Stages of grief;
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
No one and nothing can prepare you for a loss of any kind, parent, pet, friend, family, baby, relationship, the list goes on and on. You hear of the 5 stages of grief, but until you have fully come through on the other side you don’t realize you are in it. It has been 2 years since I lost my Mom and there are still moments where I want to pick up my phone and call her, or those surreal moments where it just hits you like a ton of bricks that she isn’t here physically anymore. When I was in the moment and in the grieving stages I had no idea that I was going through each and every stage. (I still don’t entirely understand the bargaining stage, but maybe that is up for interpretation?) I didn’t know or realize it until I went through them all and looked back and felt every single one of those stages, and still do. And it makes you wonder if you ever truly finish grieving, for me with my mom, I don’t think I ever will. I think it is something I have accepted that she is not in our physical dimension. If you have followed my posts I have talked about mediums, signs, and my take on after life. So, from here I am going to lead into something very personal, but something also very common that society has almost shamed in a sense and turned into a taboo subject.
Miscarriages. Something I would never wish on my worst enemy. I feel like the 5 stages of grief still apply, but it takes it to a different context and level. You try and stay positive and google everything you are experiencing and try to justify it and think that this is normal, then you get angry that your body failed you, but in my case I have to remember that my body didn’t fail me. It brought a healthy baby boy into this world 6 months ago. Even after my first full term healthy pregnancy with Anchor I still did the typical take multiple pregnancy tests, I was beyond excited, scared also the thought of having 2 under two, but so excited. About a week after finding out and scheduling our first doctors appointment, we had a miscarriage. It was surreal. I didn’t want to believe it, I didn’t want it to become reality, but it already was. It was happening, it happened. The worst part of it all was having the continued morning sickness and the reminder that you were, past tense pregnant.
I think there are so many things in peoples lives that they are afraid to express, because when you have emotion it is taught to us as a sign of weakness, and honestly if anything I think it is more of a sign of strength. Strength to be able to talk and articulate your feelings and feel what you are feeling in the moment isn’t an easy thing to do.
So, I go back to one of my favorite sayings, one I have tattooed on me…Everything Happens For A Reason. In the moment we may not understand it, heck it may take years for us to understand it. But there is a reason things happen, I also believe we have control on those things and how we use it to better ourselves, learn, grow, whatever it may be. We have control over that portion of it. It isn’t easy, and taking another pregnancy test after it happened and seeing the words not pregnant stung, but there was a reason. I don’t understand it now, but hopefully someday I will. But for now I am going to keep living in the moment and be present in this beautiful life I am so blessed with.
x0_meagen lea
my oddinary 